35 Bits of Advice for Your Younger Therapist Self That Still Applies Today
Do you ever have those moments when you question if you know what you’re doing or if you’re being effective as a therapist? Every once in a while, I’ll have an existential crisis where I question everything I know and wonder exactly what it means to be a therapist! Mostly it’s when a client is not improving, I feel stumped as to where to take the work with long-term clients, or I come up against a new situation that I’ve never been in before. Sometimes it’s a clinical puzzle, other times it’s about billing or scheduling, or occasionally there’s heavy emotional countertransference that clouds my judgment. Being a therapist is such a complicated job and there are so many places to feel uncertain.
Sensitive Therapists seem more likely to get filled with self-doubt. Not only do you have all the normal conundrums to mull over, but also question whether you’re seeing enough clients, if you should trust your intuition to narrow your clinical focus, and whether or not you can follow your own path to licensure and beyond. You’ll also wonder how you’ll ever get enough self-care to feel okay with this heavy emotional work!
Here are 35 bits of advice that other Sensitive Therapists wrote to their younger selves and shared with me. Whether you’re about to see your first client or have years of clinical experience under your belt, I imagine many of these words of wisdom will still ring true today.
Trust Yourself and the Process
You’re more capable than you realize! Trust yourself.
When you know a client needs a higher level of care, trust your instincts.
Not everyone will get better. And that’s ok, it isn’t you!
Every experience is valuable. You DO know what you’re doing, trust yourself!
You will gain the confidence you need in your work, you’re going to be great.
Know you are already making a difference and doing meaningful work.
Being Present is Valuable
You don’t have to be perfect. Being warm and genuine is more important!
You don’t need to know everything to be helpful! Take a breath, be present.
Don’t compare! Everyone has their own unique style of doing therapy. Being effective and helpful is more about being your genuine self.
Most of the success in a therapeutic relationship comes from the rapport between yourself and the client, so start with that. Your expertise and skill will come in time.
I used to feel so guilty when I wasn’t supplying constant interventions to the patient. I now know that just listening is itself a gift.
Don’t get so caught up in all the techniques. Your presence and attunement are deeply healing.
You don’t have to “know it all”. Give yourself some grace!
It’s ok to not know what to do next.
Get Paid
It’s okay to earn real money and be financially stable!
Ask for more pay!
Go Into Private Practice
Don’t listen to people who say you can never grow a private practice. It’s doable!
Learn and take classes related to business/marketing management for your private practice.
Pick Your Own Specialty
Find a treatment approach that feels right to you. It may not be CBT, and that is okay!
It’s okay to see only good-fit clients or clients of certain ages. If you know, trust yourself.
Establish Boundaries with Supervisors
Supervisors aren’t entitled to your trauma, you can say no and set boundaries around your personal experiences.
Not every supervisor is right for you. Trust your instincts on choosing who you work with.
Challenge supervisors with poor boundaries and ethics.
Think Outside the Box
Follow your own path, wherever that leads you.
You will find yourself in the perfect place for you. The road to get there isn’t straight.
Take a path less traveled while you gain your hours for licensure. Appreciate these reminders that it’s ok to go at your own pace and trust your own instincts.
It’s okay to take a slower-paced schedule and have a kind of work that really fits, even before you’re a “seasoned” therapist.
Find Your Community
Make friends with other therapists.
You need deeply real colleague friends to talk with. Non-HSP colleagues really do work and process differently.
Professional Development
Read non-required clinical material that interests you.
Focus on your own growth/learning instead of the number of clients and hours you’re gaining. Start to reflect at the end of the month on hours, and you will see the increase in clients along with the increase in your growth. Skills matter! Hours will come.
Don’t Forget About Self-Care
Use your vacation time and check in with your body!
You’re allowed to tell prospective clients when your caseload is full and refer out.
Spend time on a solo hobby.
Practice gratitude regularly.
Remember that you’re making an impact in your clients’ lives so you can let go of trying to be perfect. Give yourself time to grow and trust your instincts along the way in every area of the work. Take care of yourself by working with clients that are a great fit, getting paid enough to regularly take time off, and setting boundaries with everyone you come in contact with. You are enough without giving it all away! What advice would you give to your younger therapist self? What do you need to hear today?
