Consistent Boundaries + Fewer Decisions Equals a More Sustainable Practice
How many times have you thought to yourself, I’ll bend my cancellation policy or availability just this once? No one will know but you and your client. What we often forget is that bending the “rules” or softening your boundaries may be easier in the moment, but has consequences down the line.
When you’re making the decision to waive your cancellation fee, book an appointment outside your window of availability, or extend a session, you take care of your current self who is feeling too tired or emotionally drained to set a limit. It takes energy to maintain a boundary and you worry how your client will react to you “pushing” back. What if they get upset that you charged the late fee or hurt that you ended the session on time when they had more to say or frustrated that you’re not available when they need you? I totally understand how hard it feels, especially as a very empathetic and conflict-averse highly sensitive therapist!
Take Care of Your Future Self
We all know the importance of consistency as a foundation for safety, but in talking with the HSTs that I consult with, I realized there’s another layer to the importance of setting boundaries in your clinical work. When you bend your boundaries now, it only pushes the difficulty out to your future self to deal with.
Over time, what could have been a slightly uncomfortable conversation becomes a complicated mess. For instance, if you see a client on your day off this week, they are more likely to get upset or confused when you don’t offer the same appointment slot next time and the time after that. Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone to let them know upfront that you’re not available on that day or at that time, rather than revisiting the conversation?
I just went through this myself a few times - do I tell a client I don’t work on Mondays and Fridays when they’re feeling overwhelmed with work and life? Will I come off as lazy or selfish? Maybe, but I might also be a great role model for setting boundaries and honoring my needs. I decided it’s better to take the risk and offer a professional amount of transparency!
Make Decisions Easier
Not only do consistent boundaries create predictability and an internal sense of safety for your clients, but it makes decision making so much easier on you! As a highly sensitive person, you’re more likely to get stuck in processing mode or be persuaded by your feelings. Best to decide on your policies and your availability ahead of time, then stick to it:
When a client asks if they can move their appointment time to Fridays or reschedule to 7pm on Wednesday, but you don’t work those times, your answer is a clear no.
When a client cancels 24 hours in advance, but your cancellation policy is 48 hours, you remind them of the policy and charge their card on file.
When a client opens a new topic with a few minutes left in the session, you validate the importance of what they have to share and let them know you’ll need to pick it up at the next session because you’re almost out of time.
Every decision you make has a ripple effect, especially as clients are learning what the “rules” are and what to expect from doing therapy with you. Just like a parent creating a consistent home environment for a child, you’re responsible for setting the tone in the therapy space.
Of course, there are the occasional exceptions to the rule. When a client has a true emergency or is in crisis, bending might be the best response. I’ve definitely waived my cancellation fee or adjusted a session time when a client had a family emergency or extended a session to contain distress. These were intentional choices that I discussed with the client either in the moment or afterward.
Benefits of Consistency
On a day-to-day basis, however, I stick to my policies, my schedule, and my boundaries. It’s part of my toolkit for a sustainable practice as an HST because it:
Reduces decision fatigue and ensures you don’t recreate the wheel
Allows your nervous system to acclimate to your responses in certain situations
Frees up a lot of mental and emotional energy as a result
As a highly empathetic and deeply feeling therapist, I know putting these boundaries into place feels uncomfortable, difficult, or sometimes impossible. You worry about being too business-like and not a caring human. Remember that creating containment and predictability gives clients the chance to feel safe to explore their traumas and fears. You also deserve to have that same level of predictability and ease in your practice.
What ways could you create more consistency for both you and your clients? How could you take care of your future therapist self? Scheduling, fees, and session length are three common examples that I shared here, but there are so many more!
For More On This Topic
You may also enjoy reading my blog, Why Are Boundaries So Important for Sensitive Therapists.
